Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
