woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I deserve this hangover.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
