What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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