I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
porn star boner night. come get it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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