Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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