yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
