if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
