I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
