Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
