problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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