a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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