I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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