She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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