lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
