Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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