I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
