i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
