Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
