The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
