I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
