Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
