there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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