I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
