I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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