omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
