Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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