My sheets look like a crime scene.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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