Someone shit on the floor
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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