I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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