lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
