So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
