Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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