Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
