You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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