guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
