I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Are my feet made of real feet?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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