Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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