Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
