I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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