On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
