I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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