dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
