my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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