i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
