she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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