I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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