one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
