You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
