i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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