It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
