Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
