Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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