Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
