Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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