sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
