I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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